Chapter 1

Boots Too Big

I was the second oldest of five girls. My baby picture shows I was probably an old soul. The definition is a person, especially a child, that demonstrates understanding or seriousness typical of someone much older. For me I believe it was a foreshadowing of mental illness that would plaque my life and threaten to destroy my family life and my marriage.

The picture on the book cover is me probably eighteen months old trying to climb up the steps going into the house. Even as a child of just six, my defining role in our family was trying to stop our pain it was a very big job for a little kid.

I was an anxious a child, a product of all the negative things that were a part my world. I needed things to be in order and a place to be safe.

When I was in grade school I went down the steps from my attic bedroom to go the bathroom time after time; I needed to be ready for anything that might happen in the dark.

Dad was depressed; I tried to make him happy. Mom was distant and at times unpredictable. I wanted to please her but how and when? Grace had acne why was she the one? Sophie’s teeth were painted black, which used to prevent cavities, but it set her up to be teased. Riding on the school bus two of her friends sit beside her one day, but not the next. I hurt for her, but I didn’t know how to help. Leslie appeared to be content but was she really? Elsie was hateful I didn’t know why.

I was anxious and I know why.